What does this mean?
Saturday, December 03, 2005
it feels so good to wake up late in the morning and not having any guilt that makes you want to study and study and study.
well i was woken up by nabz. she called me to ask how my night was and all that and then i finally got out of bed at 12.
had lunch while my grandmother was planning my granddad's surprise birthday party. weee. i like surprise parties. read the newspaper at my own leasure and not at some fast speed and then watched tv! i forgot what was on.. probably mtv.
then sarah called at 2 something. "eh israk.. can you send me to klcc?" so i was like.. uh. my grandma need to use the car and bla bla but i went to klcc with her anyway afterwards. had some drinks at mydina with naz and sarah.
after that went to meet my real dad's family at madam kwan's. it was really awkward and they really seemed like strangers. no matter how hard i tried to "feel" it, i just cant make myself. i dont have any feeling towards my father, stepmom, brothers and sisters. no feeling at all. zilch. so lunch was awakward and after that we headed to chinoz.
at chinoz he introduced me to his friend and my uncle. i think im so sick of the phrase "OMG YOU'RE SO TALL AND ALL GROWN UP NOW." they must've repeated that sentence over 50 times. well yeah, that's what 17 years of living does to you.
i spoke to my granddad and grandma for the first time. they were really happy to hear from me.. i think. well they sounded like that. my dad likes to talk abt his businesses and it bores me to death. he'll go on and on and on abt it with his friend and i just sit there with a stoned face.
my stepmom is really nice though. she's wanted to meet me since forever and my brothers and sister also know i existed. i didnt know any of them existed before this. as i said earlier on, i still CANNOT accept them as family no matter what. i belive in time to come i might but its really hard now. i really dont feel anything.
it was abt 7 when we were done and bid farewell. ill prolly meet him again because im applying for a scholarship and hes the one with connections. he had to fly to singapore for business but will be back by tonight. fun life though. fly here and there doing business.
what he said was good though. it wasnt exactly like this but along these lines.
"i know i havent been there in the past but that was in the past and im going to help you."
so quite okay! since i know have something to fall on after uni instead of having this ambiguous future. bad thing is i have to come back to malaysia. hehe. kidding.
i think his bodyguard is funny. he tries to talk to me but i cant really make out what he's saying because he's from pahang or something like that. i dont know why he needs a bodyguard anyway.
its been an eventful couple of days. i hope there will be more to come!
- 10:38 PM